Thursday, October 15, 2015

Life is Hard...but God is Good

There is something about change that can either be beautiful and wonderful, or completely terrifying. It depends on what the situation is, and how you choose to see the change. Most of the time, I'm okay with it. I was able to get used to a couple of friends moving away in seventh and eighth grade, and I adapted to my sister going off to college rather quickly (which to me is surprising). Everything always slowly changes. It's inevitable. Sometimes change can come softly, but other times it can all come crashing down on you at once...

And when it all crashes down on you, that is when it’s HARD.

I'm to that point in my life now where I am able to make deep relationships with people, and those people that you have deep relationships with, they become very important to you. I have two in particular; Jess Miller and Mikael Heck.

Jess is my best friend...more than that even, but I will get to that. I've always been able to tell Jess anything. Ever since our friendship started, he has always been able to give me good advice along the way without failing to show that he cares. And Mikael, he is like a father to me. He cares for me like one, and I am able to go to him for anything. And not just because it is his job as a youth pastor. Through these relationships, they have shown me God's unfailing love, and have pushed me beyond my comfort zone (which takes a lot of work). So they are extremely important to me.

But I really didn't realize how important they were to me, until a couple months ago when a lot of change started to happen. Back in July, after talking with Jess and Mikael, Mikael told me that he was looking into a job in California and that it was a possibility that him and his family would move back there after wanting to for 10 years. That was really hard for me to grasp, and many thoughts ran through my mind, wondering why he didn't want to stay at our church. The next day I went with Jess and his parents (Mark and Steph) to Mikael’s house for a time of prayer and worship. I was still pretty upset about Mikael’s news... but then it got 10 times worse. Mark told me that he had resigned from being the worship leader at our church. That was just another punch to the gut. Steph and Mark told me that they didn't know exactly what they would do after his resignation, or where they would go, but that they would follow wherever God lead them.

After this, Jess and I went out to the nearby hills to talk about all of the events that were happening. He then explained that it was a possibility that him and his parents would move back to Colorado. All of this coming at me at once was just a lot to take. And I was praying so hard that they wouldn't move away from me. I felt like everything was falling apart.

Really, none of it got any better after that. At the beginning of August, Jess had me meet up with him and he explained to me that it was for sure now that he was moving back to Colorado. I could feel my heart breaking as he told me. So, after about three short weeks, filled with activities that we were trying to accomplish on our bucket list, Jess and his parents moved back to Colorado. And there were many tears. MANY tears. I can honestly say that I have never cried so much in my life. I knew that this change was going to be very difficult to get used to. And I was praying that Mikael wouldn't end up moving either. Because I really felt like I would not be able to handle it.

Jess and I have made sure we stayed connected every day. We’ve been calling each other and having a few much needed Skype sessions. Then in mid-September, we were finally able to take the next step in our relationship. In mid-September Jess and I were able to acknowledge how we felt about each other—yes we were best friends, but it was obviously more than that. So, I guess you can say we have taken our relationship to the next level. I can post more about that another time. Now, even though he is living in Colorado, this has made his move slightly easier... but it's still hard not being able to be around him all the time.

In these two months, I have gotten used to Jess living in Colorado. And to be honest, I forgot about the possibility of Mikael moving. I really didn't even want to think about it, because I just didn't want it to happen. But then about two weeks ago, Mikael called me into his office and he broke the news to me, telling me that he did get the job in California. It was a dream job, right in the town where he had grown up. And again, I could feel my heart breaking. Which resolved in me crying.

But, Mikael and Jess have been so good with me through this. They have reassured me so much, making me feel better about all of these situations. They have been able to show me the positives in all of this, and through all of it I have been able to grow closer to God. Which I am so thankful for.

Through all of this, I have learned so much. We can get so used to being comfortable with the way things are to the point that we never want it to change. And once things do change, because they will, we become upset and we start to question God and things become very uncomfortable for us. BUT, "God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if he doesn't come through." -Francis Chan.

That’s so true. God doesn't call us to be comfortable. That isn't his plan for us. He calls us to do his work and to trust in him. Even if that means a person you love moves away, or someone that is dear to you passes away (which I have had to experience lately as well), or just any situation where you feel like it really isn't fair. But life isn't fair. Life is hard...but we have to remember that God is good. He will always have our back, and when we fall, he will be there to catch us. 

Jess moving away has ended up being a good thing—for him, for me, and for our relationship. Yes, I miss him like crazy, but it's still good. And with Mikael... I am still not sure how or why his moving away is good for me. But I am just so thankful that God put him into my life to impact me the way he has. I know that my life would be a lot different right now if he wasn't in my life.

There will be many times in your life where it seems as though the awful and hard things are speaking so much louder than the good. But in that you have to seek your comfort and peace in God. You won't always understand what God has planned, but it will eventually be revealed to you. You just have to continue to have faith in God and trust that he has a perfect plan for you. In that, you will see, I hope, that God is SO good.

>>Isaiah 35:4 "Tell everyone who is discouraged, be strong and don't be afraid! God is coming to your rescue."

>>Psalm 94:19 "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."

>>Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.

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