Today marks one year of Jess and I's relationship. To say I am excited would be an understatement. I'm feeling so many kinds of emotions, it's hard to focus on just one.
I'm the kind of person who tries to see what I can learn in the various aspects of my life, because no matter what, you can learn something every single day, you just have to be paying attention. So, to say the least, I have been paying very close attention to my relationship, and I feel like I have learned a lot. I have learned things about myself, Jess, and relationships in general, and I hope that those who are reading this are able to take something away from it.
So here we go...
8 Things I have learned from my relationship:
1. We can CHOOSE to love each other through everything...
This was the very first piece of advice we received when we began our relationship, and I often have to remind myself of it. There are times when I get irritated fairly easily, and, I hate to say it, often times it's over nothing. So, I have to check myself, and humble myself, and CHOOSE to love him, through everything, and I have realized that by doing so, it allows me to love him even deeper.
2. DO NOT compare your relationship to the ones you see around you...
I had this problem our first few months of dating. Jess and I started dating after he had moved back to Colorado. I never thought that I would ever have a long distance relationship. So, having him being 6 hours away from me took a while to adjust to. But then, I also began to notice all of the couples I was surrounded by at school and it often made me upset. I wanted to be able to hold hands with my boyfriend, receive a hug from him, or, even better, be able to see him every. single. day! But I didn't have those simple luxuries most couples took advantage of. I had to learn how to be okay with that, I needed to learn how to be content; which took a while to accomplish. But it all boils down to me being thankful. I had liked Jess since the 7th grade, and I had dreamed of being his girlfriend. God has blessed me with a handsome guy, who loves Jesus deeply, and who seeks to further God's kingdom. I couldn't ask for anything/anyone better than that.
3. If you think for one second that being in a long distance relationship makes it easier to NOT be physical, then you're an idiot...
Yeah, I am the idiot... This was probably the most ridiculous idea I've ever had. I thought for the longest time that because we were 6 hours away from each other, we wouldn't have any problem with being physical. It probably didn't help that I was being a bit arrogant and was striving to be "the perfect couple." I honestly thought we wouldn't WANT to be physical. I mean, it took us a while to even hug or hold hands, because we didn't know if we were allowed to do that! But, as we found out, when you like someone it's difficult not to be affectionate. There have been times where Jess and I have come close to crossing our boundaries, and yes, we have made mistakes (nothing too intense). We are HUMAN, and because we are human, we are sinful, and because we are sinful we have to repent, and once we repent we need to accept the grace and mercy that Jesus has given us. Jess and I constantly pray that we are able to flee from the temptations of our bodies and glorify Jesus through how we respect ourselves and each other, and we have even set new boundaries. Temptations are real folks...and they are cruel.
4. Long distance relationships are hard, but not impossible...
Probably the worst thing you could say to a person who is in a long distance relationship is, "it won't work out." Yeah, thanks for the support. I know I had a few people question my relationship and how long it would actually last, and it hurt. Honestly. A lot. I knew if we were going to start a relationship, considering the fact he lives in Colorado and I lived in Nebraska, that it would be difficult. And it is! But, it definitely isn't impossible. Despite the fact that I have basically liked him since the moment I saw him, (not even kidding, people) I knew that if I for sure couldn't handle being in a long distance relationship, even if it was with him, I wouldn't have allowed it to start. We prayed for our relationship before it began. Seeking wisdom and asking if this was the wise thing to do, and we felt called to it. Thus, our relationship began, and I don't regret it for a second. If God knew we wouldn't be able to handle this, he wouldn't have put us in this relationship to begin with. There have been many trials, and many times where I miss him so much that I think I may die, (yes, I am a dramatic) but we get through them and we just have to face the fact that this is life and nothing in it is easy. If we assume that things are going to be simple, then we are in a world of hurt. And, just as a reminder, relationships in general are hard, not just long distance ones. You have to be actively working on them.
5. Don't be so focused on your FUTURE together, that you forget to be in the NOW...
My problem is, is that I am a dreamer and a planner. So yes, I constantly dream about what our future together is going to look like. But at times it gets a little out of hand. It's hard not to think about getting married, where we might to live, the small jobs we'd have before our careers started, etc. I mean, this is the guy I want to spend my forever with. But if I stay so completely focused on where we are going to be in a few years, then I am going to miss out on a load of important things that are happening right now. I want to be able to remember the simple moments we have together, instead of focusing on the milestones we will hit along the way. Plus, life happens and plans change on you, so don't get too attached to what you think may happen, because God's plan ultimately prevails.
6. Love IS NOT a FEELING...
It seriously isn't. Feelings are fleeting, and they constantly change. You can't trust them! My feelings for Jess, are a lot different now, than what I felt for him when we first started dating...or even way before we started dating. I love him more now than I did before...and tomorrow it is quite possible that I will love him even more. My point is, love is not, and cannot be a feeling. It is simply a verb. It is something you DO. ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." My prayer is that we continue to love each other this way. I have seen a lot of this in him throughout this past year. I'm stubborn, and can be sort of hard to deal with, I will admit. But he is patient with me, kindly corrects me, and shows me love. And for that, I am thankful.
7. Don't feel as though you need to tell him every little thing...
I'm still learning this! Jess is my best friend, and it is so incredibly difficult for me not to keep him updated on everything that is happening in my life. I think the reasoning for this mind set is mostly because I want him to remain clued in on my life and vice versa. I don't see him everyday, so he doesn't know what is happening on my end, and I don't know everything that is happening on his end, and I don't want to miss out, so I don't want him to miss out on the things that I'm going through. That's okay to a certain point, I have just come to learn that there isn't much Jess can do for me in certain situations besides prayer and the ability to talk it through, since he is 6 hours away...and that is okay! But that is also what my girl best friends are there for. They are just as important, and they understand so much more considering the fact that they are females too. ;) So hold on tight to your friendships, because they are SO important! Believe me, they are in your life for a reason. Your boyfriend, isn't your world. And if he is, then you have a problem, sister.
8. Jesus needs to be the center...
If you are a Christian, it is so extremely important that you keep Jesus at the center of your lives individually, and your lives together. Pray with each other and for each other. Make sure you spend time alone with Jesus and seek his will for YOU. And always remember that He is with you through everything...people will fail you. No matter what role they play in your life, but Jesus never will. So hold tightly onto him.
Here is the first photo of us as a couple, 2 months into dating (left), and one of our most recent ones together, 10 months into dating (right). I love you much, Jess Miller!
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