Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Through It All

This past year has been rough. I look back on it, and I am honestly in awe. I can't help but think, "how in the world did I make it through?"

In short, one year ago today, my boyfriend broke the news to me that he was moving away, which he did on August 22. The next month, on September 21, my grandma passed away after battling cancer for 8 long years. Then one month later, in the middle of October, my mentor and, then, youth pastor called me into his office and told me that he too was moving away - back to his home in California, as he and his wife had wanted to for nearly 10 years.

All of that happening one after the other really threw me through a loop. And I really wish it hadn't. After a while, dealing with all of the hard things that came my way, I stopped noticing the good things in my life and it drove me into a depression.

I hate even saying that. My depression wasn't mental illness, where it could be treated. It was simply a "broken world-view" depression. I felt as though everything was taken away from me. My boyfriend lived 6 hours away from me, my grandma passed away, and my mentor left as well. I loved and admired all three of these people, so this stung deeply.

I talked to one of my youth leaders about this, and she helped me realize that I was going through a "broken world-view" depression because Jesus was not on the throne of my heart. Realizing that scared me. But it also allowed me to run after God even harder, and redirect myself. It helped me to become more content with where I was, (even though at times I still struggle with being discontent) and focus and pray that I keep Jesus at the center of my life. Because without him, I am nothing. 

So now, one year later, I am looking back. I do see the rough spots--I mean, life is full of them--but I also see the blessings. I was able to get a real job, a job where my boss and my co-worker love Jesus deeply. I had another opportunity to go back to Haiti, a multitude of great new people have come into my life, Jess and I have been in our courting relationship for about a year, my grandma is in Heaven worshiping Jesus, I have mended many strained friendships, and I am still in one piece. 

Because God is good! He is faithful! And even though throughout the year I felt as if I were alone, I see now God was with me through it all. And for that... I am beyond blessed. 

So yes, this year has been rough. But it has also been good. I have learned and I have grown. I pray now that as I grow through this next year, my life remains focused on Jesus and that through the rough parts (because they will come) I look to Jesus and see the blessings.

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